Invalidation of Feelings

Since I started blogging almost 2 years ago, I have seen the good, bad, ugly, funny and strange. It’s been a learning experience for this 30-something year old, who sees the best in all. At least I try but I’m not perfect. However one of my bug bears of late, is the invalidation of people’s feelings. You know the ‘don’t feel sad’, ‘don’t frown’ or ‘that’s nothing to be upset over’. These are words of platitudes that we all (myself included) have said to someone at some point in our lives. What I realise is that it invalidates their feelings by making it about us. We make it about us because a lot of the times we feel uncomfortable or it touches on our own fears and personal demons. Automatically, we tend to push those feelings away and the other person in the process unintentionally.

Your feelings are valid!

If someone you care about is upset or hurt, it is only natural for us to want to soothe and support them. That’s just human nature. What isn’t helpful for the person in pain, crisis or in distress is to be told that what they’re feeling is unimportant. I remember once being told ‘you’re hurt, what about how I feel?’ by my exes mother. It suddenly dawned on me that my pain was irrelevant and attention should now be on her, even though I was the ‘injured’ party here.
When you are told in subtle ways that your feelings in that moment are not important, you start to question your validity as a person. You know the whole, ‘Are my feelings even important?’ kind of questioning. Which can sometimes lead to you questioning your existence, which is not pretty. This spiral of questioning can lead to poor self esteem and how you view yourself in this world.
Essentially it’s about thinking about how you would like to be treated when you’re in emotional turmoil. I’m pretty sure having your feelings dismissed would leave you feeling piss poor (excuse the language). Perhaps we just need to be a little bit kinder and thoughtful with our words. They have the power to make a huge difference.

Have you ever had your feelings invalidated before? How did you deal with it? Leave your comments below.

As always thank you for reading and don’t forget I’m on Bloglovin, twitter and Instagram. I would love the follow 🙂

Until next time, be well!

x

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17 thoughts on “Invalidation of Feelings

  1. Nanou

    Very true. No feeling is invalid. They come up for a reason. We need to observe and listen to them non-judgmentally as I believe they teach us something. The challenge lies in honouring them.
    Thank you for this lovely post 🙂

    http://www.theboxofhappiness.com

    Reply

  2. Sarah

    So true. We can all benefit from these words. “Perhaps we just need to be a little bit kinder and thoughtful with our words.”

    Reply

  3. Lisa Lo Paro

    SUCH an important message! I think it’s such a problem when people dismiss your feelings, and to be able to own them is a learned skill.
    Lisa
    http://www.themosthappy.me

    Reply

    1. majeang

      I agree it is definitely something that needs to be learned :). Thanks for commenting

      Reply

  4. Molly

    Totally agreed with everything you said!
    Thanks for sharing!

    http://www.allaboutgoodvibes.com

    Reply

  5. Meli Mel

    Thanks for this post, but you are correct sometimes we just need to be kinder and thoughtful in what we say to people.

    Reply

    1. majeang

      Yes because we have no idea what battle someone is fighting. Thanks for commenting.

      Reply

  6. Katherine

    Great post! It was hard for me to validate my own feeling but that is important too. It’s hard to not just want to pull on your big girl pants and just push through. Sometimes it’s okay to just take a beat and be real with your own emotions.

    Reply

    1. majeang

      Thank you! Yes validating how you feel is incredibly important. It’s taking small steps and you will get to where you need to x

      Reply

  7. Denise

    This post hits the spot. Sometimes you need for it to be about you and your feelings.

    Reply

  8. Abby

    Well said!! Here, here!! Yes, sometimes it just sucks and there’s nothing wrong with saying it out loud with your nearest and dearest shouting back, yes it sure does honey! Followed by a hug or shoe of solidarity. Thank you for sharing this you gorgeous woman. Xxx

    Reply

  9. Fashion Du Jour LDN

    Love this, and it is so truth. You have to feel what you feel, acknowledge it, so that you can move past it 👍

    Thanks for sharing!

    Leigh at Fashion Du Jour LDN x

    http://www.fashiondujour.co.uk

    Reply

    1. majeang

      Yes exactly! Glad you liked this post x

      Reply

Would love to know your think! :)